It’s one of those super emotional days again. I have just so much on my plate that I don’t know how and what I should do first.
I’ve been complimented that I’m very systematic and organized at work and before the kids, I’ll run the household like a perfect drill.
But once the kids come, everything gets thrown outside the window. The house is a mess. Toys are everywhere. Hankies (my mom’s obsessed about them) are everywhere. I’ve mountain of laundry. I use as little crockery and cutlery as possible and what’s used are thankfully washed asap cos I really don’t need creepy crawlies in the house.
Actually I don’t mind doing chores. But my greatest fear is that I’ll lose myself. I know it sounds very cliche at this point. But really. Am I turning into an auntie. Old hag? Cut off from the world who just clean and run after the kids?! Omg.
My hubby tries to comfort me by saying that the current situation won’t last forever. I know that. But sometimes when you are stuck in this loop, you just feel like everyday’s an eternity.
I’ve lots of freedom since I was a kid. Never had a curfew and would hang out with friends till midnight in sec sch.
So anyway about my life right now. It’s such a routine. I do the same thing day in and out. I can’t go out unless I bring one kid along.
I love my kids a lot right now, but I really wish I have some space.
I thought about going back to work full-time in an office so I kinda could lead a normal life when I’m out. However, there’s also logistics issue such as picking up the kids after sch etc.
Conclusion. The kids will grow up and I’ll miss this period. Such dilemma. I just wish I have some space now.